One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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