Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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