Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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