I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
