I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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