i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
