I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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