So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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