Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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