Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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