I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
