You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize