I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
