you have to choose: penises or morals?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
