i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
