were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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