Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize