I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
