Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think i peed on brittanys purse
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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