Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You are the jesus of drinking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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