I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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