apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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