i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
