I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
