what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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