youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
