my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
