Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
