i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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