He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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