lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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