I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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