i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
