Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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