some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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