I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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