The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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