Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize