btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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