my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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