he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
