Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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