I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We have started to decorate penises.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
