I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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