No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
