i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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