I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
