I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
