im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
