you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
