Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my liver is dry heaving
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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