i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
