I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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