i just had sex bonerless
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
