If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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