fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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