And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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