My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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